Lying, Cheating, Two-Timing, Double-Dealing, Mean-Mistreating-of-Love Heart

Relationships form and relationships dissolve. That’s just the way it is.

You see vast differences in the relationships around you, and you will even see differences in your present relationship from your previous ones. Sometimes people part for stupid reasons, and sometimes they never go their own separate ways.

I believe that you should be concerned about those around you and that a lot of your choices can ripple out into other people’s lives. This is especially true if you’re a family man. But you do have to look out for yourself, and take care of yourself, too.

While the stereotype is that our counterpart is “emotionally-driven” in their decisions (fact or fiction, this is the naive assumption many men have), we men should acknowledge that we too are emotional. Just because our cards might be held closer to the chest, we too are passionate humans with strong emotions.

How would you deal if your significant other told you that they had cheated on you? Seriously, I want you to imagine it happening—stir up that emotion within you. How would you feel about yourself right then? What if you had caught them in the act? What feelings would come over you right then? What would be your initial reaction? Really, chew on these feelings for a second.

Now, ask yourself: Are these feelings and emotions justified? What about your physical reaction? What would you have done?

We as humans—especially we men—are impulsive. We’re quick to show our cards, especially when we feel right about it. But with such a life-changing event such as infidelity, rapid decisions can have life-altering and life-sentencing effects.

Some things to keep in mind if you are cheated on in the future:

  1. ANGER – Set in your mind right now that you will most likely be angered. Do not act upon it. You have every right to be angry. But any impulsive reaction can have many side effects, if not permanent ones. Don’t throw your spouse out. Don’t set the bed on fire. Don’t hit the road and ghost your partner. Lift some weights or throw around that punching bag instead. Release that adrenaline elsewhere.
  2. HURT – You will hurt, even if the person seems justified in cheating on you (“You work too much” or “You’re emotionally distant”). Let the hurt come out, but do so privately first. Get that well of emotions to overflow. Get a good cry out. It’s good to do that once in a while, actually, particularly us guys who have the “resting poker face.”
  3. DEPRESSION – It will come, strong as you may be. Remember that while it takes two to tangle, your loved one cheating on you was their This is not your fault. Even though we all make mistakes in relationships, another person’s decision is never your responsibility. Their choice, not yours.
  4. FEAR – A new revelation will bring on scary thoughts. You’re going to fear divorce, if that is what things come down to. You’re going to fear where you’ll live, where your kids will live, or even where your potential ex will live. Your possessions, your property, your car, your stuff, your credit. This is natural, and it can be messy. For some people, leaving the relationship is the only option, but it might be smart to delay it a few days or weeks until you get a Plan B somewhat realized.
  5. VISION – After finding out your significant other has cheated on you, you might have a new vision for your future. Perhaps every daydream you’ve had rushes your brain: hitting the road solo, hooking up with that hottie at the bar, buying that thing you always wanted but told you couldn’t. All those flippant wishes can now happen … if you walk away from your relationship. But while a few weeks or moments of fun can possibly be had, is this what you would want in the long run? Don’t be impulsive. Some daydreams and fantasies are better left as that: imaginary.

Statistics vary (probably because people don’t like to admit to mistakes), but an average of 50% of men have admitted to have cheated, while women hover around 25-40%. Chances are, you have cheated before, or your partner has.

In some relationships, cheating happens but the partner never finds out. And in some relationships, one cannot keep quiet about the wrong they have done to their partner. Be prepared for not the inevitable, but instead the possible.

Deny it as you may, your partner may cheat on you. Statistically, it’s very possible. But hypothesize now how you will react then. It can make a world of a difference to how you handle it. Are you going to fly off the handle? Or are you, with a clear and sound mind, make rational decisions?

Whether you stay in the relationship after you’re cheated on is totally up to the individual, as each situation is different (and it’s your life), but make sure that you keep impulsiveness in check. It can make a tough decision and plan a little easier to deal with.

* The title of this post is taken from the 1993 Patty Loveless song, “Blame It on Your Heart.”

Originally posted at GoodMenProject.com

Life Goal: Not Getting Shot for a Pizza


I always thought it’d be fun to deliver pizzas. And it is… Or at least aspects of it are.

You drive your own car, listen to music, smoke if you want to, and aren’t supervised constantly. While you have to keep in mind your own car’s gas and repairs, if you’re easy on how you run your car, and know where the shortcuts are, you can shave off car expenses.

Poor weather conditions can be positive in that you will have more people wanting to just have something delivered instead of going out—thus more money-making possibilities—but you’ll have less safe roads to drive on. But if you’re an experienced driver, this isn’t usually too much of an issue.

You get minimum wage, yes, but you also get a delivery fee of about $1.00 per address, plus tips. If you can make 4-8 deliveries per hour, you can make a decent living wage. Essentially, to many, especially to the friendly but quiet types like me, it really can be a dream job.

But there is a dark side: Fear.

You hear the urban legends and you have read the articles.

Real headlines:

  • Pizza Delivery Driver Shot & Killed
  • Pizza Delivery Drivers on Higher Alert After Deadly Shooting
  • Pizza Delivery Man Shot, Robbed in Winton Hills
  • Pizza Delivery Driver Shot and Killed in Park Hill
  • Pizza Delivery Man Shot By 2 Philadelphia Police Officers
  • Pizza Delivery Driver Shot, 2 Men Wanted
  • Police Arrest Teen in Pizza Delivery Driver Shooting
  • Pizza Delivery Driver Robbed, Shot in Arm
  • Driver Shot, Killed During Pizza Delivery
  • Pizza Delivery Driver Dies After Being Shot

You get the idea. And if these headlines start to make you paranoid, you can add to the fear by researching pizza delivery deaths.

Vice.com reported that the Bureau of Labor Statistics repeatedly says that pizza delivery is one of the most dangerous jobs to do in the United States. Drivers/Salespeople ranked fifth in the “10 Most Dangerous Jobs” list, stats again from the BLS.

Every delivery could be a potential mugging. Every person walking by could be an ambush. Every door opened could be the last. Every second that is delayed on the porch or in a hallway could be a plotted assassination … for the $15.00 in your pocket and a mediocre 14-inch pepperoni.

It got to the point, when chit-chatting with my co-workers, I found out I was the only one out of six or seven drivers that hadn’t been robbed yet. How true this is, I cannot truly say, but can only depend on what my co-workers had told me. Perhaps it was just a matter of time before I was robbed. Not all crimes involve death of the victim. But, of course, years could go by and nothing would happen. You just never know.

After about three months, my car died. Fortunately, it was only a supplemental job, a second income, so I wasn’t too devastated. But I’m glad my car broke down and had to call into my job to quit. I was forced to get out of delivering pizzas. And my wife can be more at peace that her husband is a little safer—and less paranoid—in this metropolis.

If you do delivery pizza and wish to cut back on the fear, I found these helpful:

  • Intuitiveness is helpful
  • Be aware of your surroundings
  • Never have more than $15 in smaller bills on you
  • Avoid situations that look suspicious
  • Don’t go indoors
  • Keep walking distance from your car door to house door low
  • Drive around the block a few times if you have to
  • Point your headlights to the entryway
  • Have a high-beat LED flood/flash light
  • Have a cellphone on you at all times
  • Make sure the pizza establishment knows what deliveries you’re running
  • It is permissible to have a weapon inside your vehicle
  • Flash and stop an officer, telling him/her of suspicious neighborhood activity
  • Buying a dash cam couldn’t hurt; it might be your only witness

Most of these can be applied to almost any workplace environment that has a fear factor: security guard, EMS, dog walker, direct sales, flier canvassing, bus drivers, etc. One shouldn’t have to work in fear.

– Previously published at GoodMenProject.com